


La Douleur Exquise

by gravy



Category: Fire Emblem: The Sacred Stones
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, First Kiss, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Masturbation, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-03
Updated: 2017-12-03
Packaged: 2019-02-10 06:38:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12906270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gravy/pseuds/gravy
Summary: In which Ephraim picks a fight he thinks he can only dream of winning.





	La Douleur Exquise

**Author's Note:**

> ACTIVATE MAXIMUM PINING
> 
> i guess this is canon divergance. takes place after the events of sacred stones so theyre a little older in this.
> 
> anyway this is pretty bad

For all the trials and turmoil Ephraim has been through, none have eaten away at his mind in a way such as this. He refuses to name it at first. Trying and failing to ignore the way his heart lurches at the thought of wanting someone to become _more_ to him. But it comes clearer with each visit, passing glance, spar, and conversation.

It is Innes, the crown prince of Frelia, who has overtaken his every thought.

(Perhaps not every thought, but truly, he pictures it that way.)

Ephraim cannot begin to pinpoint where or when such feelings arose, but he supposes it was there since the day he and Innes first met— sleeping and waiting for the right moment to awaken and seize his heart. And how thoughtless the feeling has made him! Every single minute he takes of Innes' time is a moment that he savors— a moment that he privately keeps. Whether it be snatching him from training to talk or interrupting conversations to catch his eye... he revels in the attention of a perfectionist such as Innes, be it good or bad.

 _How selfish_ , Ephraim often thinks with amusement. _And I am to rule Renais like this?_

Unfortunately, the feeling is terrifying as it is exhilarating. If he were a better man, he would have given up on Innes by now. Not that he was actually trying in the first place, but he would ignore such thoughts about the man, knowing that his yearning is nothing but a fool's dream and that someone like Innes would not reciprocate such feelings in any case. The harsh reality fills him with dread, leaving him hopeless and so sordidly sick with longing that the emotion has spilled out of his chest and is nearly drowning him.

_"I don't pick fights I can't win."_

He laughs bitterly.

 

* * *

 

Eirika and Ephraim stand side by side at the peak of their kingdom, watching as the sun dawns upon the castle town. His sister breathes the warm summer air in deeply and he does the same to prepare himself for another long day. On the morrow, Prince Innes and Princess Tana are set to visit Renais, and the people below made no hesitation to prepare a celebration in welcoming them. It was Ephraim who had sent a messenger for Frelia as an invitation, a formal yet friendly call to simply meet. Eirika did not question it, but there was something left unsaid behind her smile.

"I am glad to be able to see Tana again. But her brother... I always thought you considered him a rival," his sister says, laughing lightly. "Always challenging each other to some inane contest... for what, I never knew."

Mildly, he looks out into the distance, trying to calm his pulse from the mere mention of Innes. "Perhaps back then it was for boyish pride," he shrugs.

"And now, for a moment to see him?"

Doves flutter by loudly and quickly as the aviary's keeper unlatches their cage for the morning. Within the distraction, Ephraim turns his head away in anxiety and shame. Blood rushes to his head and the sounds of the world around him amplify. He knows he cannot run from this, and inwardly prays for the ground beneath them to split apart and drag him down completely. It is true that Eirika has always known him better than anyone, and for him to even try and deny his feelings would be for naught. More than anything he fears to see a repulsed glare from his beloved sister, as even a single disdainful word casted from her lips would be enough to shatter his soul.

"It's the way you've watched him, I..." Eirika silences herself for a moment, considering her next words carefully. "I just do not want to see you get hurt."

She is too good for any man in the world.

"I have faced much worse."

He can tell she's itching to encourage him to take a chance. He is supposed to be the bolder one of the two anyway. But she only settles herself against his side and sighs. "Not like this though."

It seems as if it were only yesterday that she could rest her head in the crook of his neck. As he turns to look down at her, eyes filled with mirth and smiling, he realizes that she can just barely reach his shoulder. How they've grown in so many ways.

_No, not like him._

 

* * *

 

At night is when his thoughts stir the most. After being appointed king, he often wished he could retreat to his room and relax. Now his quarters only cause him more strife. Alone in his room, he is free from duties that would otherwise keep him focused on things that truly required his attention. When apart from such distractions, his mind wanders to Innes, Innes, _Innes._

He imagines the conversations he might have with the Frelian prince, how they might spar and compete, and he even thinks of various scenarios to act on his desire. All the while knowing he never really will.

More than that though, he dreams of holding the other man and bringing him closer. Undressing him and laying him over his bedsheets. Joining him on the bed, and watching the lithe frame of Innes' body move beautifully in his sheets, move underneath _him_. His moans of pleasure beckoning for more, and there, Ephraim will kiss and touch and take as much as he wants until, until—

"Ah!"

Ephraim lays in his bed, spent and panting. _Disgusting._

Prince Innes will arrive at the castle in the morning, and Ephraim will look him in the eye and greet him as always.

 

* * *

 

"Reckless, Ephraim, just reckless." Innes shakes his head smugly. He moves the knight on the chessboard to trap the white king from Ephraim's side and rests back in his seat with a satisfied grin. "Checkmate."

Ephraim rolls his eyes up and scoffs. "I only feel that it's better to take risks than play too carefully."

Innes clicks his tongue. "You'll never win like that."

"It's more fun that way though," Ephraim simply replies.

It went without saying that they butted heads more than enough times due to their stark contrasts in personality. Innes was tactical where Ephraim was more brash. One cunning with his words and actions while the other often artless. Though unlike previous years, they are now more willing to see eye to eye.

Without another word they both lean over the chessboard to set up their pieces for another game. While resetting the board, Ephraim becomes aware that their faces are much too close together for comfort. The fact that Innes ignores their proximity means that he's enjoying himself too much to really care.

It leaves Ephraim with one of the rare moments where he can really just _look_ , and he takes in the sight. Innes' face is long and defined, with sharp cheekbones and a jawline to match. From this angle he can see the low sweep of Innes' lashes, and the bright flecks of green dancing in his eyes in a way he's never seen before— at least not this closely. And unlike Ephraim, his lips are not dry or chapped, but are full and soft. Not for the first time does he wonder what it would be like to swipe the pad of his thumb against them. To press his finger inside, or his tongue, and—

 _To merely watch... this is enough for me_ , Ephraim resolves with a quiet sigh. Distracted, he clumsily knocks over one of Innes' pawns while reaching for his rook, and it nearly rolls off the small table.

"Pay attention, Ephraim," Innes tells him. For once, his voice is without irritation or his usual prideful tone. Such a casual tone of voice was almost unheard of from him. To top it off, a lopsided smile and single raised eyebrow creates the most playful image of Innes that Ephraim has ever seen, and mentally, he does his best to brand the sight in his mind.

"Sorry, I'll get that," he manages.

Ephraim ducks his head lower to hide the warmth blooming onto his cheeks, and moves further over the board (further into Innes' space) to grab his discarded chess piece. Though simultaneously, and to his surprise, Innes has reached for it as well. For a brief second their fingers touch, and Ephraim should have instinctively reacted and pulled away. But for reasons unknown, he _lingers_ , and spreads his digits so that his hand fully covers Innes', and holds on.

Innes turns his head up, still smirking, but now in a more confused manner. "What are you..."

 _It isn't enough,_ Ephraim decides, closing their distance and pressing his lips upon Innes' own.

Only in that mere second, does he damn any ounce of self-control he once had. If the Gods were willing to strike him dead at this moment, he could claim to have died happily. But he isn't struck dead. He is still in his chambers, seated across Innes, holding onto his hand, and kissing him. And how the fact of the matter drops onto him like a weight he has never before felt. Ephraim pulls away stiffly and opens his eyes to find Innes, frozen and bewildered.

"Eph... Ephraim?"

The man in question feels his mouth dry up and his eyes widen with the full realization of what he has just done.

 _"Reckless,"_ he remembers Innes calling him. _"You'll never win like that."_

"Gods, Innes forgive me, I should not have—"

"Ephraim, wait."

"I am so sorry." Ephraim quickly rises to leave, already turning to flee, ashamed, embarrassed, and filled with regret. "I swear I never—"

Innes' grip on his sleeve prevents him from moving further. "Now of all times, you're running?"

"Let go of me," Ephraim grits out, still refusing to look his way.

This only causes Innes to tighten his hold, and shake him slightly. "I never took you for a coward, Ephraim!"

Ephraim forces himself to turn around at this. "I am not—"

Innes raises his other arm and Ephraim is shocked by the way his own body flinches. Years of fighting on the front lines have steeled him to accept any blow, and yet he shies away from Innes' hand now. Though instead of a strike, he receives slim, deft fingers, carding his hair behind his ears so, so gently.

"Do you really think I would reject you?" Innes whispers.

At this point he has unhanded Ephraim's sleeve, letting his arm drop to his side. Other than that, Ephraim stands completely still and in disbelief. Never has he felt so unguarded before.

"When it's you, I... I have no idea what to think," Ephraim admits.

"Well that's nothing new," Innes chuckles. "You always have had a way with... well, your actions more than your words."

Ephraim calms down a bit knowing that Innes isn't angry with him. "Are you... you don't hate me?"

He could just kick himself for sounding so childish.

"The way you hold a bow," Innes begins, closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose. "How you barely remember to cover your mouth when you sneeze, and the noises you make when chewing your food..."

"Erm…"

" _Those_ are things I hate about you, Ephraim."

With his heart hammering inside his chest, Ephraim chances a step forward and reaches out to cup the other man's cheek with his palm. His touch is feather-light and hesitant. "Not this?"

Innes crosses his arms, but leans his head into his touch reassuringly. "You're acting a bit slower than usual," he teases.

"H-Hey, go easy on me," Ephraim stammers.

"On you?" Innes laughs. "Never."

For the first time, the overflow of his heart no longer attempts to drown him. Innes smiles warmly and Ephraim gladly dives right in.

**Author's Note:**

> cheesy af... jfc...  
> im not sure why i made ephraim so emo in this... i guess i wanted to see him suffer a lil haha
> 
> i dont know what to make of that disasterous jock im so sorry i really do love him though ×_×
> 
> this was written on my phone and its unbeta'd, so let me know if there's any mistakes. thank you for reading.


End file.
